This is a very brave thing to share, and I admire your courage to recount your story, and so publicly, too. It's so important to not only have an outlet to process experiences like this, but also to share it with others. There is so much fear around birth, and I think it's such a powerful takeaway to express that you would do it all again, despite the trauma of having everything go unplanned. I think birth plans are important, and even more important might be the tools and practices to lean on when those plans don't pan out. Thank you for writing this.
I’m grateful to have gotten to read this. Lots of info I didn’t know about your experience. You rarely get much detail, even with the people you are closest to, if they aren’t in the room. As probably 80% or more of women, I’m in the “everything went differently than the birth plan” club. I’m so glad you got that wonderful sense of love at the end!
Awww I’m gonna cry! You read my whole long ridiculous chapter!? You’re seriously the best friend a girl could ask for, I feel amazingly supported!! Also hope it wasn’t TMI! Although you’re probably used to TMI from me! 😝
Nope. I think once you’ve given birth things faze you a lot less regarding hearing about it. The gunk on the face is hilarious. It brought up some feelings for me about our niece who gave birth a couple weeks ago. She did a home birth, and midwife waited too long to decide to have her transported for a c-section. She had to go to the hospital for “reconstruction” down there and then ended up in the hospital again because she got an infection that wouldn’t respond to oral antibiotics (she was also allergic to one of the antibiotics). The American med system is too c-section happy, but going the wrong direction on that choice can have a huge impact. Her recovery is going to be several months and significantly worse than a c-section would have been in the first place.
Thanks for sharing. You did a great job. Was it a cervical ripening balloon they placed? I'm a CNM and I hate putting those in. It really sucks feeling like you're torturing someone. I feel for you. I'm not sure it's possible to do gently but I'm sorry your midwife made it feel so awful. It matters a lot how you explain things and what you say to someone in that difficult moment.
No, thank God it wasn’t that! It was some kind of drug, I just can’t remember the name. I haven’t thought about any of this in almost 3 years, I’m surprised this much came back to me. I tend to just bury difficult things and not think about them again 😅
Such a beautiful, raw account of a difficult time. My birth story for my now 13 year old was full of twists and turns, also. I lost just over a litre of blood. I was in labour so long. Nothing went to plan. But as you describe, when I finally had my son on my body, it didn't matter. I remember the panic as he came out because he didn't cry, so he was only on me for a moment at first, then he was whisked away to be tested and I was still in the theatre with a gas mask being held over my face. I remember twisting and turning, trying to see where he was and if he was okay. I no longer cared about myself, just this magical creature who'd stared at me for a matter of seconds when he was placed on me, before being whisked away. Those few seconds, I've never forgotten, it was like we looked into each other's souls, and I knew I would never love anything as much. Thankfully, my son tested absolutely fine, he simply wasn't a crier. Sometimes cliches are cliches for a reason, I think. It's truly magical.
Oh wow, I could feel all the feels all over again reading your comment! Thank you so much for reading and for telling your story! I’m so glad everything turned out fine and wow… 13! Mine is only 2 going on 13 hehe
Every turn was my birth story too! When we went through the birthing class, they had a section that “probably won’t happen but we need to go through it anyway.” All the things happened in mine. I was 38. Not being the first to hold my kid was also a major disappointment. We got to go home for a night after the required c-section stay but ended up back in the same room the next day because babe was 24.5 on the bilirubin (25 is brain injury realm). I was stuck for another week. So many parts are still triggering. Thank you for writing through the trauma. I feel seen. I see you. I honor your tough time and I know you are doing a good job, mama.
So much of this mirrors my experience—the preeclampsia, the plan that unraveled, the haze of meds, the emergency C-section. But what hit hardest was that feeling of not quite understanding what just happened, while everyone else was moving around me. My own little girl ended up in the NICU, and I remember thinking, wasn’t I just pregnant? Thank you for writing through it. You’ve made me want to finally sit down and write mine too.
Beautiful. As a man I will never get to experience it from your perspective. And that’s ok. I don’t have to. What was pure joy for me was holding my child for the first time; I can never describe that feeling to anyone. It was, life changing. Even that description feels trite.
Wow, to be honest I thought most men would see the title, or the first few lines and go nope nope nope. Truly, it means a lot to me that you read it, let alone commented! Thank you so much!!!
This is a very brave thing to share, and I admire your courage to recount your story, and so publicly, too. It's so important to not only have an outlet to process experiences like this, but also to share it with others. There is so much fear around birth, and I think it's such a powerful takeaway to express that you would do it all again, despite the trauma of having everything go unplanned. I think birth plans are important, and even more important might be the tools and practices to lean on when those plans don't pan out. Thank you for writing this.
I’m grateful to have gotten to read this. Lots of info I didn’t know about your experience. You rarely get much detail, even with the people you are closest to, if they aren’t in the room. As probably 80% or more of women, I’m in the “everything went differently than the birth plan” club. I’m so glad you got that wonderful sense of love at the end!
Awww I’m gonna cry! You read my whole long ridiculous chapter!? You’re seriously the best friend a girl could ask for, I feel amazingly supported!! Also hope it wasn’t TMI! Although you’re probably used to TMI from me! 😝
Nope. I think once you’ve given birth things faze you a lot less regarding hearing about it. The gunk on the face is hilarious. It brought up some feelings for me about our niece who gave birth a couple weeks ago. She did a home birth, and midwife waited too long to decide to have her transported for a c-section. She had to go to the hospital for “reconstruction” down there and then ended up in the hospital again because she got an infection that wouldn’t respond to oral antibiotics (she was also allergic to one of the antibiotics). The American med system is too c-section happy, but going the wrong direction on that choice can have a huge impact. Her recovery is going to be several months and significantly worse than a c-section would have been in the first place.
Yiiiiiikes!!! 😬 That sounds truly awful! I really wish I had just gone with my instincts and just ejected for a c section in the first place!
Also you might appreciate this essay I wrote about a similar birth: https://open.substack.com/pub/annledbetter/p/lessons-from-a-bad-birth?r=8c5pl&utm_medium=ios
Thanks Ann, I’d be happy to read it!
Thanks for sharing. You did a great job. Was it a cervical ripening balloon they placed? I'm a CNM and I hate putting those in. It really sucks feeling like you're torturing someone. I feel for you. I'm not sure it's possible to do gently but I'm sorry your midwife made it feel so awful. It matters a lot how you explain things and what you say to someone in that difficult moment.
No, thank God it wasn’t that! It was some kind of drug, I just can’t remember the name. I haven’t thought about any of this in almost 3 years, I’m surprised this much came back to me. I tend to just bury difficult things and not think about them again 😅
Such a beautiful, raw account of a difficult time. My birth story for my now 13 year old was full of twists and turns, also. I lost just over a litre of blood. I was in labour so long. Nothing went to plan. But as you describe, when I finally had my son on my body, it didn't matter. I remember the panic as he came out because he didn't cry, so he was only on me for a moment at first, then he was whisked away to be tested and I was still in the theatre with a gas mask being held over my face. I remember twisting and turning, trying to see where he was and if he was okay. I no longer cared about myself, just this magical creature who'd stared at me for a matter of seconds when he was placed on me, before being whisked away. Those few seconds, I've never forgotten, it was like we looked into each other's souls, and I knew I would never love anything as much. Thankfully, my son tested absolutely fine, he simply wasn't a crier. Sometimes cliches are cliches for a reason, I think. It's truly magical.
Oh wow, I could feel all the feels all over again reading your comment! Thank you so much for reading and for telling your story! I’m so glad everything turned out fine and wow… 13! Mine is only 2 going on 13 hehe
Every turn was my birth story too! When we went through the birthing class, they had a section that “probably won’t happen but we need to go through it anyway.” All the things happened in mine. I was 38. Not being the first to hold my kid was also a major disappointment. We got to go home for a night after the required c-section stay but ended up back in the same room the next day because babe was 24.5 on the bilirubin (25 is brain injury realm). I was stuck for another week. So many parts are still triggering. Thank you for writing through the trauma. I feel seen. I see you. I honor your tough time and I know you are doing a good job, mama.
R A! Thank you for being a faithful reader, I see you and appreciate you too!
I’m sorry you had to go through all the same crappy things. I appreciate you reading more than you could know! ❤️❤️❤️
So much of this mirrors my experience—the preeclampsia, the plan that unraveled, the haze of meds, the emergency C-section. But what hit hardest was that feeling of not quite understanding what just happened, while everyone else was moving around me. My own little girl ended up in the NICU, and I remember thinking, wasn’t I just pregnant? Thank you for writing through it. You’ve made me want to finally sit down and write mine too.
Oh goodness, Momster, you’re my hero! NICU is definitely a four letter word 😩
You’re my hero! For everything you’ve been through and for showing up every day for your daughter!
I can’t thank you enough for reading it all and helping me feel seen and supported ❤️❤️❤️
I look forward to reading yours.
I wrote a piece on you introduction series.
Thank you for sharing your experiences.
-The Architect
https://nahgcorp.substack.com/p/real-words-for-real-parents-a-reflection?r=5ppgc4
Beautiful. As a man I will never get to experience it from your perspective. And that’s ok. I don’t have to. What was pure joy for me was holding my child for the first time; I can never describe that feeling to anyone. It was, life changing. Even that description feels trite.
Wow, to be honest I thought most men would see the title, or the first few lines and go nope nope nope. Truly, it means a lot to me that you read it, let alone commented! Thank you so much!!!
The entire birth processes was amazing to me. The day of my daughters birth is kind of hilarious and I’ll have to relate it some time.
Oh yes, I would love to read it! (Though I’m not sure if the mom would say it’s hilarious 😂)